Despair: Finding Hope in the Face of Unending Despair
What is despair? Have you ever been there? In the darkest moments of my life, I've visited the corner of my mind that holds unending despair. It's dark, lonely, and honestly, I never want to go back.
Maybe you've been there, or perhaps you've come close. Or maybe, you've never ventured into that mental space at all. But what exactly is despair? And what can we do about it? Research suggests there is an antidote, and the Bible also offers insights into this troubling mindset of unending despair.
I’ve been revisiting Brené Brown’s studies, and in her work, she explores what despair is and how we might walk out from it. Despair, in essence, isn’t just sadness or anger, it’s something deeper. It emanates a sense of powerlessness. It’s the feeling that you can't change what’s happened, and you have no control over what comes next. It's like living in Groundhog Day, you believe nothing will change.
Hopelessness, on the other hand, is often felt when we’re powerless over one specific thing. But despair? Unending despair is hopelessness stretched over your entire life. It’s pervasive, like a shadow weaving through every part of your existence. Have you ever felt that? A sense of doom that clouds your whole life, with no way out? Maybe one misfortune after another has piled up, and now you're stuck in a negative thought pattern. That pattern alone can pull you deeper into the pit of despair.
Perhaps you invested all your hope in a presidential election, and when your candidate lost, your hope unraveled. When we pin all our hopes on one thing, losing it can feel like losing everything. Or maybe you’re dealing with a medical issue that touches everything in your life. It’s no small struggle when an ongoing condition impacts your day-to-day, and it can feel like there’s no escape. But is there? Here’s the powerful finding from research: to climb out of despair, we need hope. Brown suggests that hope is the antidote. But sometimes, when we’re trapped in despair, it’s hard to even imagine hope. So how do we practice hope when everything feels bleak.
Browns research suggest we do it in small increments. We break down our big hopes into smaller, more manageable goals.
This isn’t about reversing things we can’t control, like changing the outcome of an election or making a medical issue disappear. It’s about focusing on the things we can control: small steps, small wins, and small moments of hope. These incremental actions can help shift our perspective. But here's a question: do we truly believe in our ability to achieve these small goals of hope? Research shows that our belief in ourselves plays a crucial role in whether our goals come to fruition. Hopelessness, in fact, often arises when we fail to achieve our goals. But when we believe in our ability to take small steps, we open the door to new possibilities.
Brené Brown’s research brings another powerful insight: hope isn’t something we’re born with; it’s something we cultivate.
Her studies demonstrate that hope often grows out of struggle. The students she interviewed who hadn’t faced significant hardship were the ones who struggled most with hope. It turns out that hope isn’t the absence of struggle, but the ability to find possibility within it. Hope is forged in the fire of adversity.
WHEN WISDOM ENCOUNTERS SCRIPTURE
So, what does the Bible say? As with many of the studies we analyze, the research often comes very close to the truth. I can see why it’s powerful and effective, but there’s a slight gap, just enough that some people may not find lasting success and, over time, may feel like giving up. But there's enough truth in it to make it impactful. And in that gap, we also see our human fallibility, as well as God's gifts to us. What’s God’s gift for us? Hope. God has given us the gift of hope, a hope that can only be born from struggle.
Research shows that hope often arises not in the absence of struggle, but through it.
Brown found that people who develop resilience and long-term hope tend to do so through walking through adversity, not around it. Interestingly, the Bible taught this truth long before modern studies caught up.
As Romans 5:3–4 puts it:
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”
This isn’t about pretending that suffering is good in itself, it’s about recognizing what suffering can lead to when we don’t give up. According to Scripture, hope isn’t easy. It’s forged. It grows through the fire of difficulty, shaped by endurance, and deepened by character. So, when we find ourselves facing adversity and despair, we can remember: this might actually be the ground where hope grows best. Adversity is not the end of hope, it can be the very beginning of it. But only if it’s anchored in something deeper than ourselves.
So, how do we practice hope when we’re trapped in a thought pattern of unending despair? Research suggests we take it one step at a time , and the Bible, too, emphasizes the power of living day by day. Take, for example, the creation story. When I feel like I’m starting from nothing, when everything feels uncertain, like the very beginning, I often find myself drawn back to the opening chapters of Genesis.
In many ways, this story offers profound wisdom for how to begin anything. God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. Everything unfolded step by step, one day at a time. Did God have to do it that way? Of course not, He’s God. But the rhythm of creation offers us a pattern: He didn’t rush. He didn’t do everything at once. Instead, He modeled the grace of gradual work , the holiness of steady progress. We see this same truth repeated in the lives of those who walked with God: David’s long journey to kingship, Nehemiah’s careful rebuilding of the wall, Joseph’s years of waiting and rising in Egypt. These stories remind us that transformation takes time. God works in steps.
So, if you’re stuck in a cycle of hopelessness or feel buried in unending despair, remember this: building hope begins small. And that kind of small, faithful beginning? It’s not just practical, it’s biblical
But here’s the real question: Can anyone guarantee that everything will be okay? What is the foundation for this hope?
We can absolutely practice hope by cultivating small hopes , the kind that start with daily steps and slowly expand into something stronger. Maybe we’re hoping for good news from a doctor. Or we’re longing for a political situation to change, or simply trying to silence the constant noise of self-doubt. These small hopes matter. They help us move forward, one day at a time.
And often, over time, these smaller hopes begin pointing us toward something greater, a deeper hope that whispers, maybe, in the end, everything really will be okay. But that leads us to the more difficult question: Can anyone actually guarantee that everything will be okay? What is the foundation under our hope? Because if our hope isn’t rooted in something solid, something eternal, it will eventually collapse under the weight of life’s inevitable pain. So, where do we turn for a hope that holds?
The answer is not a vague optimism or a well-crafted mindset. The answer is a person. Jesus. The only one who can look at the total brokenness of the world and still say, with authority and love, Take heart.
In John 16:33, Jesus says:
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
This isn’t blind reassurance. Jesus acknowledges that we will face trials. He doesn’t pretend that things will always feel okay, but He promises that, in Him, we are already anchored to a reality deeper than pain: He has overcome the world. So, while research may affirm the goodness of hope and the importance of daily habits, emotional resilience, and mental reframing, Scripture helps us see beyond even those gifts. It roots us not in techniques, but in truth. A truth that doesn’t shift with outcomes. A truth that doesn’t depend on the next piece of good news.
And this is crucial, because without that foundation, without someone outside of ourselves who is strong enough to carry the weight of our hope, hope eventually collapses. It can’t sustain itself if it is rooted nothing. When life inevitably disappoints, when the diagnosis is worse than we feared, when the waiting drags on longer than we imagined , fragile, human hope will break. But hope rooted in Christ doesn’t pretend things aren’t hard. It looks right at the pain and still stands. Because Jesus doesn’t just give us hope, He is the foundation of hope. He is where the gift of hope derives. And that’s the kind of hope that can hold, no matter what comes.
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Citation
Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.
The Bible. (2016). English Standard Version (ESV). Crossway.
(Original work published 2001)
