Gratitude: The Quiet Strength of Feeling Grateful.
Have you ever rehearsed a tragedy in your mind? Maybe you're savoring a joyful moment like a family holiday when, unexpectedly, a dark thought creeps in.
You think about how, someday, this won’t always be, how people you love will eventually be gone. That thought can cast a shadow over your joy, and suddenly, you find yourself struggling to reclaim the happiness you were once immersed in. Why am I not feeling grateful? I’m guilty of this too. At holiday gatherings, I sometimes catch myself dwelling on the reality that these moments are fleeting, that they won’t last forever. It's like rehearsing the loss before it even happens. And yet, I wonder: does it really prepare us for what’s to come?
Brené Brown, a researcher who has spent years studying human behavior, calls this phenomenon “foreboding joy.”
It’s the tendency to wait for the other shoe to drop, to brace for disaster before we can fully enjoy what’s in front of us. Brown’s research has shown that many people, even in the midst of joy, sabotage it by mentally rehearsing tragedy, as if it might somehow prepare them for when things go wrong. It’s like trying to protect yourself from grief by expecting it. But Brown’s findings suggest this isn’t helpful. In fact, it can rob us of the very joy we’re trying to protect.
One of Brown's participants shared a heart-wrenching story: “I used to think the best way to go through life was to expect the worst. That way, if it happened, you were prepared, and if it didn’t, you’d be pleasantly surprised. Then I was in a car accident, and my wife was killed. Needless to say, expecting the worst didn’t prepare me at all. And worse, I still grieve for all those wonderful moments we shared that I didn’t fully enjoy.” (Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 122)
If expecting tragedy doesn’t prepare us for loss, what does help?
Brown has examined human populations and analyzed her research data to uncover patterns in behavior that highlight deeper issues, often offering insights into possible solutions. Brown’s research reveals that the key to navigating joy without fear of its inevitable end -is gratitude. The people who were able to stay open to joy even after experiencing profound loss shared one common practice: gratitude. In fact, Brown says she’s learned the most about gratitude from those who’ve endured the greatest suffering. Perhaps it’s because, after experiencing deep loss, they recognized that gratitude was their only way to truly survive and heal.
So, when we find ourselves in a joyful moment, and that shadow of foreboding starts to creep in, the antidote is simple: choose gratitude. Instead of letting fear steal our joy, we can embrace the gift of the present joyful moment and be thankful for it. Many other studies also show that those who consistently practice gratitude, whether through journaling, prayer, or simply pausing to reflect on the blessings in their life, experience greater joy and emotional well-being.
WHEN WISDOM ENCOUNTERS SCRIPTURE
What does Scripture say about gratitude? It’s probably no surprise that the Bible speaks extensively about giving thanks. But there are two key things that set it apart. First, while research reveals gratitude as a powerful antidote to foreboding joy, the Bible has laid out this truth all along. The research simply affirms the created order in which God designed us. Second, while practicing gratitude alone has the power to rewire our brains and improve our well-being, when we practice gratitude with our Creator in mind, it becomes truly life-changing.
If I’m in a joyful moment, feeling grateful for a specific person and the joy they bring to my life, I can certainly be grateful for that moment. But when I consider how that moment came to be, what invisible thread connects me to that person, I can see something deeper. Where does this connection come from? When I break down that moment with the Creator in mind, I’m not just grateful for the surface-level joy; I’m grateful for the Creator who made that joy possible.
This shift in perspective doesn’t just help me in feeling grateful for that moment, but it helps me see beyond it.
It anchors my joy in something eternal, God’s unchanging goodness. And this kind of gratitude offers lasting hope, because I’m not only thanking God for a fleeting experience, but for the Creator who holds all things together. That perspective transforms not just my moments of joy, but my entire outlook on life, offering a deeper, unshakable hope in the Savior who sustains it all.
I'm no longer chasing the next high point on life's rollercoaster. For years, I lived as though joy were something to be found in fleeting moments, when circumstances lined up just right, when things felt good, when I could point to something and say, this is it. But that kind of joy always faded, and I was left waiting for the next emotional peak.
Now, I’ve come to see that true joy isn’t found in the moments themselves, it’s found in communion with the One who gives them.
The small joys of life, laughter around a table, sunlight on my face, the warmth of a friend's presence, are no longer where I seek joy. They are in fact gifts from our creator. Absolutely beautiful, yes. So, in these beautiful moments, I’m reminded to thank God for this gift, not the moment itself. It’s in this thought that when wisdom encountering scripture can transform into something life changing.
My deeper joy, my steady joy, is anchored in something far more enduring: in a God who loved me so much He sent His Son to die in my place. The joy that holds me now is not the absence of sorrow or struggle, it is the unshakable certainty that I am known, loved, and rescued by Jesus. This is not joy built on circumstance. It's joy rooted in a love that existed before the foundation of the world, a love that took on flesh, bore my sin, and rose to give me life. I no longer need to ride the waves of life, up and down, hoping to catch a glimpse of happiness. I walk with the One who created joy and who sustains it.
Psalm 94:19 (ESV) also speaks to this truth:
“When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”
In times when uncertainty crashes a joyful moment, God’s consolation, His comforting presence, transforms our anxiety back into joy, especially when we remember His eternal hope.
And lastly in Philippians 4:4-5 (ESV), we are reminded,
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand.”
If you haven’t read the story of Job, you should. This is the heart of grateful faith: not because of what we get, but because of who God is. Job’s story reminds us that feeling grateful isn't rooted in our circumstances being easy, it’s rooted in encountering the God who holds us through the storm. Moments fade. Things fade. Events fade. Situations rise and fall like the tide. But to place my hope and my gratitude in something unchanging, Someone unfading, is where I long to live, always.
The world shifts beneath our feet, but God remains. His love does not waver. His promises do not expire. And in Him, I’ve found a joy that doesn’t depend on my circumstances but is rooted in His unshakable faithfulness.
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Citation
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
The Bible. (2016). English Standard Version (ESV). Crossway.
(Original work published 2001)
